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Grieving
the Loss of Your Pet
The
loss of an animal companion, whether due to death, being lost or
stolen, or placement in a new home, may be one of the most
devastating and painful experiences we ever face. For many, such a
loss is as traumatic as losing a family member or a dear friend
and can trigger an intense grieving process.
Grieving
for a loved animal is a natural and normal reaction and will vary
from person to person.
Shock,
denial and feelings of anger and guilt are frequently felt upon
learning our pet is terminally ill, injured or dead; these
feelings may last minutes to weeks. Typically there is a sense of
numbness, disorientated or unreality. As we struggle to come to
terms with the reality of the loss, many of us will experience
waves or grief and intense painful awareness, alternating with
periods of exhaustion and automatic functioning.
A
sense of disorganization often represents the lowest point of the
grief process. We frequently feel aimless, hopeless and depressed
because of the void left by the loss. Reorganization and
resolution of the grief may occur days, weeks or even years later
as we work through our feelings and begin to rediscover and
reconnect with life. As time passes, we can focus more on fond
memories and less on the pain of separation.
We
may experience all, some or none of the above reactions and the
timing and intensity of these feelings varies among individuals.
It is important to acknowledge our feelings, whatever they may be,
and give ourselves permission to grieve.
When
our animal companion is lost, a significant inner bond is broken.
We become separate once again. The work of pet loss support group
is to create a safe environment for sharing our stories about that
part of us that has died and to learn to reclaim a sense of
wholeness within ourselves.
Self-Care
Measures for the Bereaved
- Attend
a support group.
- Don’t
be afraid of your feelings; be open to sharing them.
- Exercise,
eat right and get plenty of rest.
- Involve
yourself in activities that are comforting or enjoyable.
- Avoid
alcohol and other drugs that can intensify feelings of
depression.
- Manage
one day at a time.
How
to Support a Friend in Grief
- As
soon as you learn of the loss, get in touch; it is never too
late to offer concern and support.
- Silence
is OK. There is a comfort in quiet company.
- Instead
of clichés that might minimize the loss, simply say “I’m
sorry” or “How can I help.” It is helpful to talk openly
about the loss.
- Be
accepting of your friend’s feelings, whatever they may be.
- Try
not to be upset or uncomfortable if your friend cries.
Remember that tears can be healing.
- Don’t
be afraid to offer a hug to your friend.
- Try
to plan activities you can do together. If one offer is
declined, don’t be hurt and don’t give up.
- Be
patient; grief is an individual process and resolution comes
at different times for different people.
- Remember
your friend on special days such as birthdays and holidays, as
well as the anniversary date of the loss, times when the loss
will be more acutely felt.
Pet
Loss Support Hotline Numbers
Staffed
by the University of California-Davis veterinary students
Weekdays, 6:30 to
9:30 p.m., PT
(916) 752-4200
Staffed
by
University
of
Florida
veterinary students
Weekdays, 7:00 to 9:00 p.m., ET
(352) 392-4700 then 1 and 4080
Staffed
by
Michigan
State
University
veterinary students
Tuesday - Thursday, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m., ET
(517) 432-2696
Staffed
by Chicago Veterinary Medical Association Veterinarians and
trained volunteers; leave a voice mail message (long distance
calls returned collect) Calls returned 7:00 to 9:00 p.m., CT
(630) 603-3994
Staffed
by
Virginia-Maryland
Regional
College
of Veterinary Medicine
Tuesday and Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., ET
(540) 231-8038
Staffed
by
Ohio
State
University
veterinary students
Mon., Wed. and Fri., 6:30 to 9:30 p.m., ET
(614) 292-1823
Staffed
by
Tufts
University
veterinary students
Tuesday and Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., ET
(508) 839-7966
Staffed
by
Iowa
State
University
veterinary students
Weekdays, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., CT
(888) 478-7574
Staffed
by
Cornell
University
veterinary students
Tuesday to Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., ET
(607) 253-3932
Iams
Pet
Loss
Support
Resource
Center
(888)
332-7738
The
American Society for The Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
24 hours Stephanie LaFarge, Ph.D.
(800) 946-4646 pin #140-7211 and leave your number
Fax (212) 860-3435
Rogers, F., When a Pet Dies, Putnam Publishing, 1988
Rylant, C., Dog Heaven, Scholastic, Inc., Blue Sky Press,
1995
Viorst, J., The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, Antheneum,
1972
White, E., Charlottes's Web, Harper and Row, 1952
Anderson, M., Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet,
Peregrine Press, 1987
Fitzgerald, H., The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide,
Fireside, (1992)
Kay, T., To Dance With the White Dog, Washington Square
Press, 1990
Kay, W., et al, Pet Loss and Human Bereavement, Iowa State
University Press, 1984
McElroy, S., Animals as Teachers & Healers, NewSage
Press, 1996
Montgomery, M. and Montgomery, H., A Final Act of Caring:
Ending the Life of An Animal Friend, Montgomery Press, 1993
Neiburg, H., et al, Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and
Children, Harper and Row, 1982
Quintana, M.L., Veleba, S.L., & King, H., It's Okay to Cry:
Warm, Compassionate Stories that Help You Find Hope and
Healing After the Death of a Beloved Pet, K & K
Communications, (1998)
Schaffer, D. & Lyons, C., How Do You Tell the Children: A
Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When
Someone Dies, Newmarket Press, (1993)
Sife, Wallace, The Loss of a Pet: A Guide to Coping With The
Grieving Process When a Pet Dies, MacMillan Pub. Howell Book
House, (1998)
Traisman, E., My Personal Pet Remembrance Journal, Direct
Book Services, (800) 776-2665, 1996
Human
Animal Bond Trust
The Association for
Pet Loss and Bereavement
Cornell
University Pet Loss Support Hot Line
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